Death, the Unexpected Eventuality

Sometimes I arrogantly think death cannot surprise me. It’s a really stupid thought. A couple of months ago, two of my friends died. One, unexpectedly in an accident, and the other in a fight against cancer.

One was my buddy from high school. He was always up for talking about cars, going riding around, and never turned down a fishing trip. Time and life stepped in and my group of friends grew apart, as life went on. In that moment we came back together.

People grieve differently. I will get quiet, walking away to process it. If it hits really hard, then I’ll write a poem. My wife wanted to get a card. A nice gesture, but to me, it feels empty to get a sympathy card full of cliches.

I would rather have someone just sit with me and listen. Like Job’s friends in the the Bible. My friend Bobby listened to a rambling two hour monologue over the phone after my godson died. Other family came from hundreds of miles to just be there for us.

A week after my buddy’s death, Randal, Howls coauthor and coeditor, died of cancer. I thought of him daily, he was wrote down on my prayer list. Earlier that day, I had checked his Facebook page to see if I missed a post. Nothing since December, and it was a post that I would expect from him, a rant. Surely he was doing well, I thought.

It wasn’t well.

This is one thing that gives me hope at funerals, when I hear that they were in a saving relationship with God. If so, then I’ll know I will see them again. If not, never again, and the hope dies, and pain rises. With these two, I have some confidence, if not assurance. I’ll close with a poem I wrote after the funeral:


Did You Whisper?

My heart is heavy
and burdened

Death after Death.

Twelve in Four.

Twelve people
gone in
four years time.


Whos next?


I have a hope.
I have a freedom.


My own death
does not
hold the grip
that it did.


I have died twice


Is my hope
the same as
my friend’s


That is
my burden today.

I will see the others again.
They are where I will be.
Is Michael there?
Is Randal there?

Michael was pursuing you.
Seeking and knocking.
Did you whisper in his ear?
Did he turn and come near?

Did he know
his time had


The seed was
being sown.
Did it take root?


Randal lived
on his terms.
As mortality


Did you whisper in his ear.
Did he turn and come near?

Was he lost or
a prodigal
far from home?


I joke
that I want to see
crooked halos
on saved sinners.


It’s a
as well.


Did you whisper in his ear?
Did he turn and come near?

Was my hope
their hope?
Are they waiting
on me in the

Not Your Salvation

Daily studying the Gospel of Violence.

Seeking to understand the Darkness.

Not to battle the tyrants
Instead walking the way of ronin.

Thinking like the predatory animal that man is.
Honing the switch that turns off society’s conditioning.
Bringing to bear Hell on Earth.
Why the pushing to learn how to break a life?

Simple, to save a life.
Of the one I’m devoted to.
The red haired saint who keeps away the taint.
Darkness’s immersion balanced by Love’s light.

I’m not the guardian at the gate.
Protecting the sheep from reality’s fate.
Consider me a rogue scholar.
Here to shed light onto those who lie.

Turn a deaf ear and refuse to hear?
Enjoying your chains and slavery so dear.
I will not bleed and die for you.
You’ll receive what you deserve.

For this I train to fight!
Those who would take my way of living and life!
Preparing for a level of strife.
While still enjoying the good of life.

I’ll leave you to your self-inflicting pain.
Bleeding for others gain.
Comfortably sitting with the evil you know.
I’m out, it’s your show!

Pledge Allegiance To A Lie

Pledge Allegiance to a Flag

For one nation for which it stands
Under a God, Indivisible and for liberty and Justice for all

Hollow words ringing a room
Indoctrination coming to bloom
Words coated in hypocrisy

I refuse to take an Oath to a lie
For it’s not intended to be a nation under God
When the elders acknowledged the right to worship any or no god

Brutal genocide brought to bear when some wanted to divide
Showing that liberty was a lie
Justice quickly died

I’m not an American
Just a man

Who is stolen from
Spied on
Threat of drone overhead

To this you still wave your flag and shout America
Land of the free and home of the brave
Once it may have been

Now it’s nothing but a sin to humanity
Land of the sheep and home of the slave
It’s our fault, we made it this way

Always voting the same way or not at all
You have no weight to say my words appall
No Right you haven’t given away

Held sway to the cult of country
You can have it, I’ll walk my own way
Maybe America will be reborn someday