Part 1 of 3 of Week 20 in the upcoming book Ronin’s Journey
Overall, this was an interesting week filled with deep introspection and bouncing ideas off my therapist. She really focuses on the fact I do not express much emotionally. She has a theory that the coping mechanism of being multiple superheroes growing up (see Week 17) buried my base personality. Which is the real me?
A few months before the accident I had done so introspection in the Forging Ronin series that I included part of in the front of this book. I stripped bare as much as I could to find what drives me personally, soul type and personality type. I will do it again at the end to bring it full circle, however I would like to think I have a good grasp on it. Never the less, she wanted me to write about my emotions, thinking of them like a switch or dial.
The thing about emotions is this, I keep them under control, but they are still swirling through my head. I do try to draw them out and experience them more fully, however unless its anger or happiness they soon dwindle. Not sure why it is that way.
Something bad happens, how do you feel about it? Does dwelling on it help? I have not found a purpose for the bad emotions, yet the happy ones are fine to me, they make good situations better. You just press forward through the bad ones, which is easy to say now. Right after it happened I was not in control, they came out, and that is not a bad thing. I was not on the emotional scale as everyone else either, which gives an appearance of being an emotionless automaton. Far from true, at this point I was not dwelling on them. Which I was informed was a Freudian defense mechanism called Over-Intellectualization.
It is described as when a person avoids uncomfortable emotions by focusing on facts and logic; situations treated as interesting problems and emotions ignored. After writing about emotions and looking at how this book’s content came about, I have to admit that one. Is Over-Intellectualization a bad thing?
Not to me at least, it has proven very useful but also has its limits. Using it I have researched, found and created tools for coping at the very least on an intellectual level. When I posted these excerpts it has made others think, or I see someone having a freak out on the internet I will teach them a tool to calm down like the Centering Drill. Even my therapist wishes she could enlist me to teach these to her other clients. This alone makes it worth it, helping people by taking lessons learned from the darkest times helps me as well and makes me happy when it works for others.