Another excerpt from Ronin’s Journey, on the differences in who you think you are and the person you really are…
In the Week 2 and 10 chapters, I eviscerated myself in my introspection, not wrongly either. Since I have made good progress forward working through my faults however not the same person I was either. I could not respect that person. A slight recap on the beginning of Week 2:
Loving Husband? Yes, and working at being better at it.
Mediocre Family Man? Not anymore, while I need more work I am more involved now.
Professional at Everything I do? That was ego talking, I just have not seen anything to make me freeze as of yet, and hope I never do either, considering.
When I was growing up, I had the fantasy of being a superhero, actually acting out several different ones over the years. I wanted to save people, everyone loves a hero, and superheroes always win. That is how I thought of myself inside my head, it was my perception though, not reality. People generally carry an image of who they are which does not usually match what they do. The kind of person you are is what you do and what you value most is where you spend your free time. Sit and think where you are on that scale? Like that person? I did not; I even went as far as keeping a timeline of what I did for a week to see where my priorities lie.
One night in a conversation myself among others were discussing respect and being entitled to it and I was challenged on why I deserved it. My reply was I do not need respect, however later in hindsight I recognized that some people should be respected for what they do and not be taken for granted. I have been guilty of doing that myself. Back to my answer on requiring respect, I stated I had all I need in my self-respect and it was grounded in the real world for once. I listed for them the reasons why starting with acting to save a life when others froze or ran, kept whatever group I was in safe by keeping an eye open and moving appropriately to deter problems. Then the times I have helped people others had turned their backs on and used my experiences to help others. Though this book may seem like it I do not do this for props, I do it because I am learning I am pretty good at it.
My brother from another mother posted a picture of my favorite comic character with a quote about what you do is what defines you. My reply was, ‘I’m Ronin, and what I do is help people through hell or stop hell before it arrives.’ Lately I have mused about a theory that you do not truly know who you are until it is tested in reality. Not sure if I read it somewhere or it popped up so I am not going to make a claim on it.
Later I go into just how it was pressure tested in this chapter.